Gifting a well-loved hand-me-down to my daughter’s hands-down favorite

There’s something special about a good pair of pajamas. A nice, matching set somehow makes me feel simultaneously cozy and put together. They also mean you don’t look too crazy during middle-of-the-night trips to the emergency room (ER), and if they’re of good quality, they can last forever.

When my oldest daughter, Addi, was about 2, and still my only child, I bought her Pottery Barn pajamas for Christmas. They cost about $50 and everyone said I was crazy. But they lasted — both of my daughters wore them, and many of my cousins’ daughters did as well. That’s four or five girls, and at least a decade of being in almost constant rotation. I think I eventually gave them to Goodwill, but I have a feeling they are still going strong wherever they ended up.

Well-worn and well-loved

Another pair came to our family already well-worn, but they have lasted almost as long. They are a white pair of Anna and Elsa “Frozen” pajamas from the Disney Store that I found at a thrift store. My late daughter, Austen, who had Dravet syndrome, fell in love, and I bought them because they buttoned down the front. That meant it was easier to get them off if she had to go to the ER, instead of cutting them off like they sometimes had to in the ambulance.

Austen loved these pajamas and wore them all the time, but eventually they simply became too short for her, and I convinced her to let me hand them down to my best friend’s daughter. This little girl, in turn, wore them for years. In fact, she had them so long I’d almost forgotten about them, until a call came through this summer.

“We’re going through clothes, and I found Austen’s pajamas,” my friend said when I answered. “Do you think you’d like them back?”

I almost said no, but quickly changed my mind. I knew how much Austen loved them, and thought there must be a way I could pass them on that Austen would have loved.

Later that morning, the pajamas were in my hand, along with an old church coat of Austen’s that my friend’s daughter had worn as well. The first thing I did was bring them up to my face, trying somehow to bring back the scent of Austen through the years of wear and washes since she’d last worn them. When I set them down, I saw the tag said they were size 5, and I knew instantly that these pajamas were meant for Austen’s “Baby Grace.”

Baby Grace’s older sisters had been the second and third owners of Addi’s Pottery Barn pajamas before they made their way back to Austen. I can’t remember if Baby Grace got her turn with them, but I knew she needed these.

Austen loved all babies while she was alive, but Baby Grace was hands down her favorite. Grace is my cousin’s youngest daughter, and Austen was 5 when she was born. We were living in Colorado at the time, and she counted down the days until she could go to Texas and meet her baby. She even stole the birth announcement and hid it in her closet so that she’d always have a picture of Baby Grace nearby.

Grace loved Austen just as much as Austen loved her, and although she was only 3 when Austen passed away, she still talks about her constantly and asks when she will come back from heaven. It breaks my heart every time I hear it, but it also reminds me how fresh Austen’s memory remains in our family’s minds.

When her mom asked if she wanted the pajamas, Grace replied, “Oh yes, I would love them. And I will keep them forever because they were Austen’s, and I love Austen.”

As I pack the pajamas into the box to send over to Baby Grace, I find myself praying. I pray Baby Grace gets as much joy out of them as Austen did, and that Austen is looking down on her as she wears them. I also pray that she does keep them forever. That her daughters and granddaughters can have a piece of Austen passed down to them, and know the love that came with them.

Because the kind of love that Austen had for Baby Grace is the kind that death cannot erase. That kind of love is eternal.

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