Holding on to memories of Austen on our first vacation without her
Just like the last time, we took pictures, and included those we'd taken of her
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My daughter Austen had always wanted to see the ocean and was jealous that her older siblings had gotten to live in Hawaii while she hadn’t.
It didn’t matter that her brother, Atlas, was only 8 months old when we left the island; Austen still felt that it was unfair that he’d seen the ocean and she hadn’t.
In September 2023, she got her wish. The kids and I were invited to Florida with my (now) husband, Dakota, our youngest daughter, Grace, along with Grace’s mom, her husband, and their young son. I almost didn’t go because I was worried about finding a substitute teacher for my class because preschoolers tend not to do well with changes to their routine.
But I’d never taken the kids on a real vacation. We had been out of state to weddings and funerals, and we had gone back to Texas every year that we lived in Colorado, but we’d never gone somewhere to have fun. How could I pass up this opportunity?
Pictures of Austen
So to Florida we went. Five days of pure bliss. We ate good food and hit some stores, but most of our time was spent on the beach.
Austen loved every last minute of it. She made sand castles, dug for seashells, and drank coconut water from a real coconut. I think if given the chance, she’d have chosen to stay in Florida forever.
On one of our last nights there, we got dressed up and took pictures. Some of us as a family, some with just me and the kids, or the kids all together. Dakota captured two photos of Austen sitting by herself in the white sand, the tinsel in her hair sparkling in the sunlight.
Austen got her wish to see the ocean when the family took a trip to Florida in 2023. (Courtesy of Meagan Earley)
We came home with suntans and sand hiding in nooks and crannies of the car that I was still finding months later. Memories were created, and the monster we called Dravet syndrome steered clear of our fun, for once.
How was I to imagine that only nine months later, Austen’s entire life would simply be a memory, and that the photos we took on that vacation would be used for her obituary?
There with us
I think it’s safe to say that in the last two years, I haven’t felt very vacation-y. But with my oldest daughter, Addi, graduating from high school, I realized we were running out of chances to all be together on a trip. Someday in the not-so-far-away future, my children will be grown and out of my house, going on vacations with their own families. We need to take every chance that’s given to us to make memories. And we know all too well that sometimes memories are all we are left with.
We let the kids vote on our destination. I was hoping for New York or even Dollywood, but they chose Florida, with a unanimous vote. It was probably the first time ever that the three of them had agreed on something.
I found myself anxious at first about going back without Austen, but it was soon replaced with a sense that I wouldn’t be without her, not really. I felt she’d be there with us, enjoying the ocean right alongside us.
Our trip this year was very similar to the last one. We focused on relaxing and enjoying our time together as a family. We shared memory after memory of Austen, and how much she’d have loved to be there with us.
On our last night, we once again got dressed up to take pictures. Austen was included in this, as well. I’ve framed the photo that was displayed at her funeral, the one taken on our last Florida trip, in a wooden frame built by my late grandfather. We held it up in the photos we took so that our family would be complete. Because, even if she’s only here in spirit, she will always be a member of our family.
Note: Dravet Syndrome News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Dravet Syndrome News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Dravet syndrome.
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